Everyone has an inner child.
This inner child may be viewed as a clear representation of the younger you, a patchwork of the stages of development you’ve gone through, or a representation of innocent fantasies and playfulness.
Finding your inner child can assist you in remembering simpler, more carefree times. Keeping the good times of childhood close at hand might be a great way to get through difficult times.
But not everyone associates childhood with play and enjoyment. Your inner child may appear little, vulnerable, and in need of protection if you’ve gone through emotional pain such as neglect, trauma, or other emotional pain. To protect yourself, both the adult you are now and the child you once were, you may have buried this pain deep within you.
Pain cannot be cured by hiding it. Instead, it frequently manifests in your adult life as trouble taking care of yourself or difficulty in personal relationships. You can take steps to address some of these issues by working to heal your inner child. These eight suggestions are a great place to start, even though it might take some time.
1. First, acknowledge your inner child
In order to start healing, you must first acknowledge the presence of your inner child.
If they’re willing to look into this connection, anyone can communicate with their inner child. You’ll find it more difficult to begin the healing process if you’re hesitant or opposed to looking into the past.
Consider inner child work as a process of self-discovery if the idea of opening up to your child self makes you feel a little odd or awkward.
Recognizing and accepting things that hurt you as a child is the core of acknowledging your inner child process. You can begin to understand the impact of these wounds by bringing them into the open.
Don’t be hesitant to give it a try, though; many individuals find it beneficial, even soothing, to talk to their inner child in this way.
2. Pay attention to what your inner child is saying
It’s crucial to pay attention to the emotions that arrive once you’ve opened the door to a connection with your inner child.
These emotions frequently emerge in circumstances that cause powerful feelings, discomfort, or old wounds.
You might notice:
- anger over unmet needs
- abandonment or rejection
- insecurity
- vulnerability
- guilt or shame
- anxiety
You may discover that similar circumstances in your adult life cause the same reactions if you can link these emotions to specific childhood experiences.
Here’s an example:
Your partner unexpectedly finds themselves overworked and unable to join you for the elaborate night out you had planned. Even if you are aware that they would rather spend time with you, you continue to feel rejected and irritated. You stomp off to your room and slam the door as a juvenile display of your disappointment.
In this situation, seeing what happened through the perspective of your inner child can provide some insightful information.
You understand that the sudden necessity for work on your partner’s part caused you to feel the same way you felt when your parents had to postpone plans, playdates, and even your birthday party due to their hectic schedules.
In this way, identifying and validating the distress you’ve felt is an essential first step towards moving through it. listening to the feelings of your inner child and allowing yourself to feel them rather than pushing them away.
3. Write a letter
Drafting a letter to your inner child in order to establish communication can begin the healing process.
You might write about your childhood experiences from an adult’s point of view, providing understanding or justifications for upsetting situations you weren’t able to comprehend when you were younger.
Even though you didn’t understand why your brother shouted at you and broke your toys, you learned to fear him all the same. His wrath might start to make sense if you understand now that he endured years of bullying and abuse. You might get some relief from the lingering pain by discussing this realization with your inner child.
You have the opportunity to provide comforting and reassuring messages when you write a letter.
A few questions can also assist maintain the dialogue:
- “How do you feel?”
- “How can I support you?”
- “What do you need from me?”
Although it might take some time before your inner child feels at ease and secure, sitting with these questions can frequently result in answers.
4. Give meditation a try
Those inquiries you directed to your inner child? One effective way to prepare yourself for finding solutions is through meditation.
There are many advantages of meditation for both physical and mental health, but some of them are specifically related to inner child work.
One benefit of meditation is that it increases conscious self-awareness, which teaches you to pay closer attention to the emotions that arise in daily life. Being more aware of your emotions makes it simpler to recognize when particular circumstances cause unproductive reactions.
Additionally, meditation enables you to become more at ease with unpleasant feelings.
Particularly when they aren’t encouraged to express themselves, children sometimes struggle to name unpleasant emotions. To escape punishment or receive praise from caretakers for acting “good” or in control, they may conceal or bury these feelings.
You can learn to practice recognizing and sitting with any feelings that arise in your life through meditation. You’ll find it simpler to express your emotions in healthy ways if you grow used to accepting them as they are. This sends the message that it’s OK to experience emotions and let them out, which helps validate your inner child’s sentiments.
5. Journal as your inner child
A lot of people feel that keeping a journal is a terrific method to work with difficult or perplexing events as well as emotional distress. You might already get the benefits of this coping mechanism if you keep a journal.
Journaling from the perspective of your inner child can help you identify unhelpful patterns that started in childhood, just as journaling can help you identify patterns in your adult life that you wish to change.
Put your adult self on hold for this journaling exercise and connect with your young self. To assist you to remember how you felt at the particular age you want to examine, use pictures or a brief visualization exercise.
6. Bring back the joys of childhood
Even if adulthood comes with a lot of obligations, playfulness and relaxation are crucial elements of mental wellness.
Making time for pleasure and reconnecting with your playful side might help ease the pain of missing out on what you needed as a child if your childhood lacked positive experiences.
It’s also critical to take time for little joys like ice cream after a stroll, playing games with your significant other or children, and laughing with friends.
Whatever you do, scheduling frequent times of fun and lightheartedness in your life can help you recapture the positive emotions of youth.
7. Leave the door open
There isn’t always a definite end to healing. It frequently takes an undetermined course.
You’ve taken the first step by connecting with your inner child. You can now foster this newly discovered knowledge and continue to go forward by listening for your kid self’s direction.
You might find that the obstacles you faced as a child have more to say. However, you can also develop your spontaneity and playfulness and learn to look at life with a greater sense of wonder.
A more complete sense of self can result from being in touch with your inner child, which can also increase confidence and motivation. By affirming your intention to continue listening, extending love and compassion, and striving to heal any open wounds, you may reinforce the connection you’ve opened.
8. Talk to a therapist
Past trauma can be quite distressing. Therapists make an effort to establish a secure environment for you to start navigating this emotional turbulence and discover practical techniques for resolving your inner child issues.
The majority of the time, therapists are aware of how your life, relationships, and general well-being can be impacted by your past, including incidents from your childhood. However, not all forms of therapy place a high priority on examining past experiences or associated ideas, such as the inner child.
For instance, cognitive behavioral therapy is regarded as a highly successful therapeutic strategy but typically concentrates on your current experiences.
Find a therapist with experience in this field if you’re interested in exploring your past and getting to know your inner child. Psychotherapy that is psychodynamically focused is frequently a suitable fit.
Other types of therapists can also provide support. Inner child therapy, sometimes referred to as inner child work, primarily focuses on this process. Letting potential therapists know the specific concerns you wish to explore is always helpful.
The bottom line
The trauma that arises when requirements for affection, acknowledgment, praise, and other forms of emotional support are not met throughout childhood can continue far into adulthood.
But there is always time for recovery. You can validate these needs, learn to express your emotions in healthy ways, and develop more self-compassion and self-love by learning to nurture your inner child.
The Client Journey PLLC was established to help clients in understanding the mental and emotional obstacles brought on by childhood and/or past experiences. We work with our clients to pinpoint the contribution that their upbringing has made to their overall development in order to help them create a workable action plan for the future that will allow them to move past their mistakes and live more fully.